There’s something strange about the way you left this hole in the history of how I came to be. Like the day you left somehow made it as though you were never here. There’s no proof of you now. Those pieces of ourselves we exchanged all those years ago are gone and if I try to explain you to anyone they don’t understand. I could try and show them what you gave me in an honest attempt at explaining what we were, but it never comes out right. Its always just a little bit off and enough for them not to really see the miracle that was ours. There was always a part of me that only came out with you in the darkest hours just before dawn when we were up to our usual mischief, making an earnest attempt to fill each others little gaps. I like to think that at some point it was the same for you. Maybe it never was, and maybe it never could be, but for what its worth you really changed me. For all the things that happened, good and bad, I really just want to say thanks. It feels like my life is about to change and for the first time ever I really think we’ll never see each other again. I’m not sad about it- In fact all I feel is gratitude. I’m thankful for all the moments I shared with you. I had some of my best and some of my worst with you and I wouldn’t change a single thing. I grew in ways that I never knew I could or would. Anyway, I’m just rambling now so I’ll end it quickly. I wish you the best, you deserve nothing less, and I know you’ll be great. Take care of yourself.
Yours always.
its happening
I’ve been filling my linens and lungs with the smell of your skin. Counting your freckles and counting my sins. You’re more than I deserve, more than I’ve earned. Now I know better so I’ll let you stay. I think I’ve finally learned to keep instead of pushing away.
“The tiniest brush
of your hand against my hand
and my life was yours.”
— Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via boneslace)
(via known-stranger)
I just think it just matter whether we talk about it forwardly or not. I will get invested, hurt, heart broken, and that’s okay. That’s life. If that’s whats going to happen then talking about it up front doesn’t change anything. Even if you want the same things- those things are constantly changing variables. Sometimes I want everything from you and sometimes I want nothing. Life happens somewhere in between all of that and for me that’s all that really matters. Enjoying the moments I spend with you while not expecting anything to come of it. I’m taking in every breath as deep in my lungs as I can, holding it in until there’s not one drop left of intoxicating emotions, and letting it go. This is my ritual, this is how I keep my sanity. I feel strong enough to take on whatever comes my way whether it’s beautiful or disastrous. I’m enjoying you.
Stop crying.
Go to the beach.
Write more bad poems.
Stop expecting someone to fill your gaps.
Fill your own voids.
Talk to a stranger.
Spend time with family.
Start a new book.
Buy new guitar strings.
Write new songs.
Buy new running shoes.
Buy new work shoes.
Draw.
Work out even when no one else wants to.
Drink less coffee and more water.
Stop saying you’ll eat right and just do it.
Set yourself free.
Ideally you would come to me in the middle of the night, crawl in through my window, bury yourself between my arms and breathe me in like I was the last breath you wanted to take. Your crushing existence all wrapped in my existence -sharing the same space, the same air, the same warmth. Your palms would leave their lines on my body and your identity made a part of me. All the words I’ve been waiting to hear- you’ll say. You love me, you need me, you cant imagine a life without me. Then you’ll love me until we cant stay awake and we’ll sleep entwined like roots in the earth and grow into something neither of us could have imagined.
I don’t know how anything that’s supposed to be the right thing can feel so wrong. How it can keep me up at night choking the tears I’ve been holding back. How it can make my heart feel like its caving in and never going to stand again. It’s one of those nights where I don’t know how I ended up here and there is no comfort in sleeping in the bed I once shared with you. I have nothing to make you feel like you aren’t gone, like you’re still here. I shouldn’t even be trying to convince myself you’re still a part of me. You’re not. I’m alone.
Never enough tallest manThe Tallest Man On Earth - I Want You
(via unicornology)
